We all think about it. The possibilities of second chances flip through our minds. What if at the end of a road we went left instead of turning right? What outcome of that would we be experiencing now? The allure of the “do-over” is intriguing to most, yet can be overwhelming when actually available to us. Post-divorce may be one of those times. Let’s take a look at what may be unfolding next. The do-over is all about carving out this next chapter of your life.
New Do’s Post Divorce:
Do: Allow yourself time to pause and reconnect back to yourself once again. Like the little toy car that we pull back to spring forward, sometimes we need to take one step back to regroup before jumping ahead. Rewind yourself just enough to revisit what you may have left behind pre-marriage to determine what may be next post-divorce.
Do: Explore! In order for exploration to be exciting and beneficial to you it is essential that you let go of judgment and allow yourself to be as present as possible in all new situations. This may be the first date you have had in decades, or the first job interview. Either way, be mindful of approaching every new challenge as an adventure. What can you do now? Now do it.
Do: Invite chance into your life. In order for the Universe to respond to us we need to be active members in the world around us. Define what success you want to achieve. Say it out loud. Celebrate your daily wins. What made them stand out? How can you do more of that? Invite chance in by letting go of old excuses. Challenge yourself to hold less control over outcomes and situations. Let the experience unfold on its own and accept it for what it is.
Do: Prioritize and pamper YOU! You just exited a relationship where you planned and prioritized your day based on someone else and their needs and wants. Turn the table. What are your needs and wants now and how can you refuel and recharge for this next chapter of life? What have you always wanted to do? Start.
Do: Friend fear! We own our fears. They are like an old pair of shoes. They are broken in and consistent, still with us even if we love our new shoes. This is the time to polish and resole the old shoes, to tweak them so they are a little less familiar to us as we break in those new shoes. Marriage may have locked many of your fears in place. That was then. This is now. Re-do the fear by leaning into the challenge. Dating seems scary? Go out within a group of friends to start. Are failure fears flaring? Your marriage was not always unsuccessful…it began with love. You did it before…it’s your do-over and you can do it again. Our past is a part of us and yet it does not dictate who we become. Step into those new shoes. Wear them proudly.
Do: Do-over! Make a list of all the things that worked in your marriage and all the things that did not. What did you only tolerate that you are now willing to accept and understand? When we tolerate we judge and we lose energy to anger. When we accept we raise our energy and our emotional intelligence. How can you make use of all of the experiences of your marriage to create not only your own next action plan but to define what you may be looking for in future relationships? We are all the sum total of all of our experiences and we bring into our do-over all the richness of our lives. This do-over, although bittersweet contains all the elements you need to reassemble your new you both personally and professionally. No one needs to save you or define you…you can do that for yourself!